What is money?

I got a very interesting phone call last week that made my head numb. It was from Rent-A-Center. They wanted to verify the residency of someone that lived here and his girlfriend. Usually, this isn't a problem. We just answer a few questions, give a few dates and they get their stuff. However, if you owe us money, you will be exposed as the squatting, money-hoarding, non-rent-paying SOB that you are.  It went a little something like this:

Me: Thank you for calling _______, How can I help you?
RAC Lady: Hello! This is Rent-A-Center calling for resident verification.
Me: Okay, go ahead.
RAC: Does a "Non-rent-paying-asshole" and a Miss "Non-rent-paying-asshole" live there?
Me: Yes, they do.
RAC: Okay great, how long?
Me: Um, I think a year. I'm new here, so I'm not really sure. Let me go pull their file, can i place you on hold for one moment?
RAC: Sure!
[Few seconds pass]
Me: I'd love to pull that file for you....but it's not here.
RAC: Oh....where is it, if I may ask?
Me:...............It's at the attorney.
RAC: Oh, okay...may i ask..why..?
Me: Um. Non-payment of rent.
RAC: Ohhhh....
Me: Yeah. Also, "Miss non-rent-paying-asshole" doesn't live here. She's not on the lease. So that information is also incorrect.
RAC: Hahaaaaaaa, well thank you for your help.
Me: No problem. Do whatever you want with all that.


Okay so here is my question....If you can't pay your rent...why are you trying to borrow other people's shit? Are you oblivious to the fact that you have to PAY to borrow things? The word "pay" typically means to give monetary compensation to someone in exchange for services or products. Just thought I'd brief you on that, since you seem to have no idea. You can't even pay us MONTHLY. They will come and take their things back, you are going to court to be evicted and you lose all your fancy schmansy things and your HOME all at once.

Maybe instead of borrowing that nice TV or computer, you should try to borrow some common sense. Or money. The money may be easier to come by.

This past week has been cray-cray

These past two weeks have been absolute chaos. Apparently, when your apartment complex gets bought out, there's lots of screaming and yelling and not knowing what the hell is going on and attempted murders and tears and nervous breakdowns and nightmares. In a nut shell, anyway. So, in the midst of all this madness, Lisa (my co-worker) had her family in town to visit. Her mom and dad are hilarious and kind....and they want to kill her kid and make it look like an "accident."

Knowing that we were very busy, her mom stopped by with Peter (her kid) in a "burley." Apparently, a burley is kind of like a dog carrier combined with a stroller that you use to hold babies while on walks.  So she rolls this contraption up to the door and says "Lisa! Come look at Peter! Just for a second!" Lisa puts down what she's doing and starts to walk over....and that's when it happened.

Lisa's mom turned around and screamed "OH MY GOD!!!" and starts running with outstretched arms. She'd forgotten to lock the crate-on-wheels and it started rolling backwards. There is a small side street that our office is located on and directly across is a parking lot. Poor little Peter rolled all the way down the sidewalk and across the street before he was stopped by the curb of the parking lot.

I tried to be sympathetic and caring, I tried to react like a normal person would. Where there should've been concern, there was only laughter. Deep, bellowing, disturbing laughter.

Quick recap:

Lisa's mom:

+

Burley of death:


+


Curb:


+


Screaming Lisa:



+


Poor, innocent little Pete:




+ Apartment takeover


=

Day one

Well hey there, you!

First and foremost, I'd like to inform you of a few critically important things that you're likely to experience in this blog. Obviously, it's called "leasing and losing." This is because I'm a leasing agent for my apartment complex and there are daily failures associated with this position. Sometimes it's me (I'm somewhat willing to accept 0.03% of the fault)...more often than not, it's residents. No matter who is at fault, it is always hilarious and slightly disturbing.

 Second, I've been told I am hilarious. At this point, you may be thinking "Oh, awesome! This blog is going to fucking rock! I love funny leasing agent girls with blogs!" Okay well, yeah...I'm funny, but I'm only funny situationally. We'll see how that goes.

Finally, I'm not exactly sure how this will shape up. Will it be all about my leasing adventures? Will it be about how much I hate my downstairs neighbor because he's the biggest Kanye-West-loving DOUCHE on the planet? Will it just end up being about my day-to-day? Who knows, but I'm excited!

I hope you'll stay tuned and I really hope you'll enjoy this. I have high hopes!

Unicorns and puppies,

Kyle.